Was it worth it?

Over the past two years, our country has been gripped in an economic turmoil that few of us have ever seen, let alone lived through. The question has been frequently raised as to what conclusions one can draw from it all. What have we learned, if anything, and where do we go from here?

Further adding fuel to an already painful fire, reports came out recently of the suicide death of Mark Madoff, the 46 year old son of convicted financier Bernard Madoff and father of two young children. Mark and his brother Andrew were working for their fathers business but have not been convicted for their role in his downfall. They were, in fact the ones to turn him in to authorities putting a halt to one of the largest deceptions in history.

As I read the stories of Mark’s tortured existence over the last two years, it is apparent to me that he was a sensitive person who bore the shame and ridicule of his affiliation with his father up to the point where he could endure it no longer. I imagine that his death coming exactly two years following his father’s arrest is a poignant hammer blow to his family but particularly to his father who, as reported, will not attend the funeral. My guess is that they might not want him there as much as he might not be capable of facing his grieving wife, son, his son’s widow, and his grandchildren. Add to that, the potential of encountering hundreds, if not thousands of investors who have tasted financial ruin as result of his actions, and I believe it is easy to imagine him wanting to just stay put. Unless I am mistaken about his nature however, his pain must be enormous.

Was it worth it?

There is a universal law of nature that states that there are always consequences- both intended and unintended, to every action we take. I cannot imagine a more painful example of an unintended consequence than the death of Mark Madoff. Could Bernie not have seen the pain he would cause? Was he tempted to terminate the ruse earlier in his life to minimize the damage? Was he tortured by the efforts to conceal it? Is his pain now on par with his victims? Did the money mean that much to him? Was it the fame he chose to garner to himself that made him craft such a heinous scheme? I suggest we can answer these questions only for ourselves in the shadow of the enormity of the tragedy that is worthy of Shakespeare himself.

Be careful what you wish for. You might get it!

And it doesn’t end there. In typical fashion that is worthy of our legal system, various parties from regulators to victims have lined up and “lawyered up” to play the “blame” game. Of course it is always someone else who should have seen through the fraud and should have detected it. Let us serve no heed to the victims who literally threw money at Madoff in hopes of him making them rich. They couldn’t be bothered to find out if it was all too good to be true. But it was really glorious when you thought you were making all those gains, wasn’t it? And let’s not forget the regulatory structure that failed so miserably in it’s efforts to regulate, has since decided it can’t possibly do it and will shortly dump the vast majority of it’s responsibilities on state regulators despite their inability to handle what they have now. Am I missing something or does the idea of taking personal responsibility seem to be lost here?

Whether it is lost or not, the future seems to be moving towards remuneration for all the victims who couldn’t be bothered to use common sense on the way up to try to get them back some or all of their money. Anyone with deep pockets that was even close to Bernie, including his deceased son’s estate, will be tapped by legal means to pony up. If it wasn’t already, it is turning out to be a really bad year for the Madoff family.

It is not what you have
but what you do with what you have that counts!

The universe has an interesting sense of justice. When the scandal broke two years ago and the victims emerged, it seemed easy to have sympathy for some of them. After all, many charities when down in flames with the rest. Many of us depend every day on the kindness and generosity of our neighbors and friends without the “benefit” of being insulated by wealth. Now these victims, stripped of their affluence are forced to live day to day in a similar fashion and trust in the goodness of the universe. How ironic that a legal system with more conscience than consciousness wants to give it back to them! Is it possible that they are better off without it? Is this justice…or vengeance?

If you think money makes you happy, you are missing the point.

Finally, I want to remind a whole generation of angry citizens that we will not regulate or legislate greed out of existence. There will be more Bernie Madoff’s in the future and plenty of people anxious to follow them to their ruin. The blindness of wealth acquisition continues despite what the lessons of the past have to teach us. I can only recall the words of Dr Martin Luther King to speak to this:

“You cannot eliminate darkness with more darkness. Only light can do that. You cannot eliminate hate with more hate. Only love can do that.”

Can we collectively forgive Bernie? It’s up to you.

Happy Holidays.

Chris Dowley

The Construction Principle

It has long been the position of ours that how clients speak is indicative of their inner emotions, and a guide to how they act. If they speak negatively or in disparaging terms of themselves or their situation, they frequently take actions that bring the emotion to reality. Their negative experiences "prove" themselves right and thus confirm that they have an accurate sense of reality.

The Social Construction Principle says that the way we use language, both verbal and non verbal, powerfully shapes our perceptions of our environment and how we interact with it. It says that language and how we use it, influences everything from our relationships and social interactions to decision making about careers and how we use and feel about money. As David Cooperrider, the founder of Appreciative Inquiry put it, "Words create worlds."

As we do life planning, it is useful to note the background and biases that our clients bring to the financial planning process. It is frequent that people who are raised in households of abuse, scarcity, and addiction experience very difficult relationships with money. It is manifested in ways that they speak of their situation and the reality they have created for themselves. They exhibit what I christened in a recent presentation, signs of "toxic language". These are words or phrases that come laden with hidden meaning. Most commonly, I hear the expression, "I should...", "I need to...", "I ought to...". These are expressions of desire to accomplish that are laced with feelings of obligation. The question is, whose obligation is it? If I say, "I need to go home and rearrange my sock drawer.", What I really mean is that I feel "compelled" to do it or I feel a strong "desire" to do so. I do not "have to" however. My world will not collapse and I will not starve to death with a messy sock drawer. The difference the words create is enormous. By engaging my "compulsion", I retain the sense of choice. Now, rearranging my sock drawer is what I "choose" to do, not something I "should" do. The "should" connotes some third party extending a sense of obligation that is often unintended or is the application of some ancient parental motivation.

Other toxic expressions include "Yes but..." and, "can't". These expressions often precede a rationale to promote the idea of a self-imposed limitation that keeps us doing the same old things within self imposed boundaries according to what we think is "realistic" or "comfortable". This could be viewed as a way to keep us in the shackles of conforming behavior. Once again, this way of speaking takes the idea of choice out of the equation and limits us in unintended ways.

By choosing and using different language in our lives, we consciously allow ourselves to embrace other possibilities in our lives and open ourselves new things we had not considered. This benefits us enormously emotionally and eventually, financially as well. With that, I leave you with a question: How is your vocabulary?

My thanks to Ed Jacobson for his contributions to this article.